How could I be so cruel to the children?

Sara (during infomercial): "Josh, did you see that!? It's the One-Touch Can Opener! I need one!"
Josh: "No you don't."
Sara: "Yes I do! You don't understand, you put it on top of a can, push the button and it does the rest. How have I lived without this? Don't you see how it would make our lives easier?
Josh: "Sara, how often do we even open cans? Besides, I'm not paying 20 bucks for a can opener when the one I got at the dollar store works just fine."
Sara: "No! You're not listening. I won't have to crank the can opener any more and I hate it when I get tuna juice on my hands, and the lid won't fall in the can when I open it!"
Josh: "Well, just don't cut the can all the way around..."
Sara: "Oh look, kid's can use it too! Josh, we have to have this, we need this!"
Josh: "We don't even have kids, besides ones that need a can opener, and why are children cooking?"
Sara: "Josh, this isn't just a purchase for us, it's for our kids."
Josh: "Uhh... No, It's dumb. I can hear our unborn children weeping now: 'why daddy, whyyy? We love yoooooooouuuu!"
Sara: "Don't mock the children."


I am a terrible non-father.
(P.S. Also, Sara isn't pregnant.)