Stuff Sara Says!

2011-11-16T10:24:00.001-08:00

2011-11-09T10:50:00.001-08:00

Out of context 3

2011-10-17T11:45:00.000-07:00

"At least it was just vacuuming and not a hardcore intimate cleaning"

Sara out of context 2

2011-10-14T05:30:00.001-07:00

Remember kids:

"It is not ok to jump off a boat, even for rodents hanging on to a kite!"

Sara on Superheroes

2011-10-12T05:53:00.000-07:00

Josh: "Did you see the trailer for the new Avengers movie?"
Sara: "Not yet, does it look cool?"
Josh: "Actually, yeah it looks like it will be a pretty awesome movie"
Sara: "Is the Green Lantern in it?"
Josh: "No he's in a different comic book company"
Sara: "He should be in it, I mean seriously, who doesn't want to see Ryan Renolds?"
Josh: "He's in the Justice League with Superman and Batman, I think they're making a movie for that sometime too"
Sara: "Boo, I hate Batman. He's so depressing and sad. Plus HE TALKS DOWN HERE LIKE THIS"
(Sara does her best batman impersonation with the low grainy voice)
Sara: "All he does is make people depressed till they give up."
Josh: "What? You think all Batman does is make people depressed until they give up?"
Sara: "Yeah didn't you watch his movie?"

I thought I had... but I must have missed something.

Sara on Yeti

2011-10-12T05:35:00.000-07:00

Josh: "Scientists think they've found proof of a Yeti"
Sara: "What!?! How do they know it's not just an old person or a young person with white hair?"
Josh: "I love that the first thing you thought of was an old person when you think of white hair what about an Albino?"
Sara: "Please, I know way more old people than albinos"

I got schooled again.

Fish Movies

2011-08-30T18:34:00.000-07:00

There is far too much crazy for me to give you context for this one. Sara saw a trailer for a movie about a dolphin and started in:

Sara: "I HATE FISH MOVIES, I hate 'em, hate hate hate hate HATE! Ever since Free Willy I have never liked fish movies. I have such angst for fish movies. hate hate hate hate... except for Jaws, I liked that one."

Out Of Context

2011-07-21T04:58:00.000-07:00

"Josh I can't get my computer to work, I don't have the monkey on it"

test

2011-06-06T05:37:00.001-07:00

Fear

2011-05-16T05:32:00.000-07:00

After watching a documentary on grizzly bears in Alaska on PBS, it left Sara with all kinds of questions:

Sara: "Where do bears live?"
Me: "In the woods"
Sara: "Are there any bears around Clare?"
Me: "I don't know, I've seen some in Houghton Lake before"
Sara: "WHAT?!? If I saw a bear in Houghton Lake I would never go back there ever! Wait, didn't you want to camp somewhere around there? I am never going camping there now. They have bears, cougars and zodiac killers."
Me: "Wait... zodiac killers?"
Sara: "Ever since that movie I've never wanted to camp in Michigan"
Me: "That movie took place in New York or something" (*it was California... my bad)
Sara: "Camping has my biggest fears: bears, cougars and zodiac killers. I hate the woods."

I gotta get Sara to stop watching TV.

Sara's optimism

2010-11-02T18:24:00.000-07:00

"All this puking is making my abs so strong."

...I'm just gonna let that one go.

I found another old post that never got published!

2010-11-02T18:23:00.000-07:00

John: wow, you look like that guy who plays piano

Sara: The Hunchback of Notre Dam?

John: Uhmmm, no. Does the hunchback play piano?

Wait, Sara thinks she looks like a Hunchback? Am I the only one that caught that?

Good thing Sara doesn't do drugs

2010-11-02T18:21:00.000-07:00

Sara and I were watching a cop show and they arrested someone for possessing Shrooms:

Sara: Wait... Are Shrooms actually Mushrooms?
Josh: Yeah, what did you think they were?
Sara: I donno some hip name for a pill or something... maybe a mushroom shaped pill?

Everytime I got to the pharmacy now I look for mushroom shaped pills.

What kind of veggie are you?

2010-11-02T18:18:00.000-07:00

Sara was doing a call-in on the radio asking people what kind of vegetable shape they resemble. Someone suggested she looks somewhat like a kidney bean...

"I think I look more like an eggplant than a kidney bean. Kidney Beans aren't real vegetable, they're all fakey."

Well, if you are what you eat, Sara is definitely not fakey...

To be fair it is a hard word to spell

2010-11-02T18:15:00.000-07:00

Sara: What is that word?
Josh: you mean dyslexic?
Sara: oh, ha ha, yeah...

Did I mention Sara never reads this blog?

I found an old post that never got published!

2010-11-02T18:12:00.000-07:00

Sara's thoughts on the price of postage going up:

Sara: The Postal Offices is changing the price of stamps to .42 cents from .40. Which I hate because .40 cents Even and .42 cents Not - Even.

Dice: What?.. how does that make since?

Sara: 40 cents is like a quarter and two dimes, 42 cents has pennies involved. 42: not even.

hint: I think she means a quarter, a nickel, a dime and two pennies, which I guess would be an odd amount of coins... not four dimes and two pennies, which is what I thought for a long time.

Sara's Thoughts on the weekend.

2010-11-02T18:07:00.000-07:00

Sara hates Mondays: "Why is the week so much different than the weekend? I go the whole weekend feeling fine, I wake up today I fart and now I've got a headache!"

But really, who doesn't?

Bonus:

"That's the only time I can actually look like a girl, is on the weekends!"

I wonder what she thinks she looks like during the week?

More Thoughts From Sara On Racism

2010-02-08T07:42:00.000-08:00

John: I think that no matter what we do as a society there will always be some sort of Racism
Sara: yeah, there's always room for more.

I know what she meant... I think.

I'm pretty Sure Sara's going Deaf

2010-02-08T07:41:00.000-08:00

Josh: We'll see
Sara: What?
Josh: We'll See
Sara: Oh I thought you said look both ways
Josh: Why would I say "look both ways" that doesn't even sound like "We'll See" they aren't even the same amount of syllables!
Sara: well, I was trying to look you both ways to try and understand what you were saying
Josh: Wait, you tried to make sense out of something that didn't make sense?

Wait, I was surprised by that?

Sara's Ettiquitte

2010-02-08T07:38:00.000-08:00

Someone who will remain anonymous was taking us out to a business lunch, Sara wanted to clarify something before she ordered:

Sara: Are you or (The Business) paying for lunch?
??: What does it matter?
Sara: Well, if you're paying I'll order more.

I guess it's a thoughtful sentiment? Maybe?

Sara on Computers

2010-02-08T07:35:00.000-08:00

"If I had a computer to run my house I wouldn't name him Jarvis, I'd name him something cool like... Steve."

If I had one I'd name it 01100001 01110111 01100101 01110011 01101111 01101101 01100101

More Saraisms

2010-02-08T07:30:00.000-08:00

"That was when we were at the top of our notch."

"Dude you get paid Butt Squat!"

"Wow, you are all stinkin' amazing for being our fans... the bar is high now. Let's break some legs!"

Sara: was that an insultion?
John: What's and insultion
Sara: An insult with the intent to insult
John: ...Is that for real?

Nope. If these don't make much sense Sara has the explanation for that too:

"Why do I always have to explain myself to you? You're cognitive power is always a step lower than mine."

Invisibility

2010-02-08T07:25:00.000-08:00

Josh: Sara, what would you do if you were invisible for 24 hours?

Sara: Well... I wouldn't wear any clothes. Well, it's cold outside so I would wear some clothes, but if it was warm out I wouldn't.

next time I'll be more specific...

Sara's Mind Being Blown: An Illustration

2010-02-01T06:55:00.000-08:00

John showed Sara this brain bending illusion online to which Sara offered the following illustration of her mind being blown:

Starving Children = Starving Sara

2009-08-14T06:57:00.000-07:00

Sara noticed a banner ad of starving children online:

"Look at those staving children eating rice... Mmmnnn Rice, I'm hungry!"

At least she's empathetic?

Sara decided she would hate herself.

2009-05-19T05:47:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while Sara comes out of left field with a huge, life ending problem. This particular morning it had to do with meeting herself. The actual conversation went on for almost an hour but here are some of the highlights:

Sara: Josh, I need to know why I wouldn't want to meet myself!

Josh: Why are you even thinking about this?

Sara: Because dice made think this thought and now I'm thinking!

(I go ahead and try to explain some of the basic concepts of Psychology to Sara)

Sara: So you're saying my Id will conflict with my Ego and that's why I think I'm annoying? So do I need to change myself so that I would be ready to meet myself?

Josh: What? No, that isn't even close. Why is this such a big deal?

Sara: Because they are swapping people minds now!

Josh: What? I am so lost...

Sara: You know, with mannequins and stuff. I think this is a deep seeded root problem of mine. I need to fix something, I'm moral conflicted!

Dice: Just for one minute, just for one second I want to live inside your head.

Sara: No you don't because I have a headache right now... WHAT ABOUT TWINS!?!

She went on to talk about the mental bond of twins and cry as she realized her lack of meekness (and her lack of understanding on its definition)... I'm not sure what else happened, she lost me at mannequins.

Sara Is A Racist

2009-05-04T10:06:00.000-07:00

Sara is a racist... I guess.

Here's the backstory, in case you didn't hear Josh Holloway from Lost had a baby. He decided to name said baby "Java Kumala Holloway". Sara was laughing about how funny the name was on the air and that apparently offended someone.

This was posted anonymously as a private post on our guestbook:

"I was disappointed and a little offended this morning when Sara was mocking the name Kumala, especially the tone of voice she used. Not all of your listeners are white."

I read Sara the post and her reply was, "I'm not racist, I dated a mexican!"

Problem: Solved.

Also, the baby is white, if that helps her case.

(JAVAAAAA Kumalaaaaaa! it is kind of fun to say... I guess I'm racist too...)

Pregnant Sara On American Idol

2009-04-16T05:25:00.000-07:00

On the morning show, Sara brought up American Idol.

Sara: "Last night American Idol broke history by saving Matt Giraud!"

Dice: "Broke History? You mean they made history?.."

Sara: "Whatever, I am so angst against Americal Idol."

Dice: "Angry."

Sara: "Whatever, there is so much of a waste on Americal Idol, the save. They used it to save Matt? What a waste, the whole thing was a waste..."
(Sara continues to rant about things she thinks are "Wastes" on American Idol and becomes vehement about it. I also this is where think Dice gave up trying to get Sara to speak a cohesive version of English.)

My Advice: Beware the pregnant Sara or you too may be laid to "wastes".

Sara on time change.

2009-03-04T06:27:00.000-08:00

Dice was talking to Sara about how his kids have been waking up at 5:00am for some reason.

Sara: Maybe they are just getting ready for time change, I'm pretty sure it's sometime soon.

Dice: When is time change?

Sara: I don't know I'm not a parent and I'm not a calendarist!

Sara On Names

2009-02-27T06:31:00.000-08:00

Charity: "I'm not sure what my name means"
Sara: "Duh it means 'Giving To The Poor'"

Sara: "What's your middle name?"
John: "I don't ever tell anyone, but I'll give you the same hint I give everyone else. It starts with an M and has four letters."
Sara: "Your middle name is Mary?"
John: "Uhmmnn... No."

A Little Geography

2009-02-27T06:23:00.000-08:00

I have found in my marriage that I should rarely ask Sara for directions. She's the kind of girl who gets lost trying to leave the Wal-Mart parking lot... more than once... in the same day. (True story)
During one of Sara's favorite shows "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader" a 2nd grade level geography question was "What state does the Niagara falls border?"

The contestant thought for a moment, to which Sara scoffed: "That one's easy! Michigan!"

I mean... well yes, eventually the water that passes over Niagara Falls does pour into the great lakes that border Michigan... partial credit?

Common Mistakes

2009-02-27T06:15:00.000-08:00

Sometimes Sara has disillusioned moments where she realizes she's been using the wrong words, here are a couple of my favorites:

"Tomorrow is supposed to be 10 with a windshield of 20 below"

"What!? I always thought it was flame retarded!"

To her credit, the words sound alike...

My Favorite Quotes Part 3

2009-01-07T06:20:00.001-08:00

"Lift your veins with me and cheer! Ahoy!"

"A listener just called and told me that I'm too opinionated... I think he's a jerk."

"So this guys spends his whole life playing the lottery and when he finaly wins he dies a couple hours after buying a ticket. The ironicness... you know, that right there is why I don't gamble."

Scott: There's a new service that, for a pretty big price, you can get a celebrity to call your house and leave a message.
Sara: Sweet! I would get Jack Sparrow to call
my house!
Scott: You mean Johnny Depp?
Sara: I mean he would be cool too, but I would pay for Jack Sparrow!

"I accidentally punched myself in the face today."

"What!? I don't want you talking about our parts that way."

"My repetition for retention is horrible."

Camping, Cougars And A Killing Spree

2009-01-07T06:09:00.000-08:00

Sara: I HATE NATURE!!
Matt: You hate nature?
Sara: Animals that can eat you, that's what I mean by nature. Don't even get me started on cougars.

(After a rant about cougars):
Scott: Your just lucky you live in Michigan and not some other states where there are poisonous things
Sara: It's all the DNR's fault, they brought in the cougars to control the deer and now they're killing people and dragging their heads into trees
Scott: What? No one's been killed by a cougar...
Sara: That's cuz they're in the trees!

Sara: If you drug a camper/trailer out into the woods I could camp.
Josh: That's not camping, that sleeping in a bedroom outside.
Sara: That sounds nice, I'm not staying in a tent.
Josh: What's wrong with a tent?
Sara: A tent is just a body bag for cougar victims

Sara's thoughts during the New Year

2009-01-07T05:53:00.000-08:00

Thoughts shared throughout the New Year season:

Sara: I can't wait till the 2020 so I can say that I lived through the 20s. You know? then people will think like the 1920s instead of 2020, it'll be funny.
Dad: I don't think you're gonna bluff many people

Sara: What would you call the 2010s?
Dice: I don't know... The Ots?
Sara: What!? That doesn't make any sense, what would I say 'I lived in 2008 Ots'?
Dice: No... (composes himself), normally people wouldn't say 'I lived in 1920 the twenties'.

Wow 2008 is almost over. What a rough year... but I won!

After the ball dropped the number 2008 flashed in black and white on the screen for a few seconds, Sara suddenly became wary of her non-existent epilepsy:
"Ack! Look away! What a great way to start the new year, with a seizure. What are they thinking?"

Congratulations.

How could I be so cruel to the children?

2008-12-22T04:20:00.000-08:00

Sara (during infomercial): "Josh, did you see that!? It's the One-Touch Can Opener! I need one!"
Josh: "No you don't."
Sara: "Yes I do! You don't understand, you put it on top of a can, push the button and it does the rest. How have I lived without this? Don't you see how it would make our lives easier?
Josh: "Sara, how often do we even open cans? Besides, I'm not paying 20 bucks for a can opener when the one I got at the dollar store works just fine."
Sara: "No! You're not listening. I won't have to crank the can opener any more and I hate it when I get tuna juice on my hands, and the lid won't fall in the can when I open it!"
Josh: "Well, just don't cut the can all the way around..."
Sara: "Oh look, kid's can use it too! Josh, we have to have this, we need this!"
Josh: "We don't even have kids, besides ones that need a can opener, and why are children cooking?"
Sara: "Josh, this isn't just a purchase for us, it's for our kids."
Josh: "Uhh... No, It's dumb. I can hear our unborn children weeping now: 'why daddy, whyyy? We love yoooooooouuuu!"
Sara: "Don't mock the children."

I am a terrible non-father.
(P.S. Also, Sara isn't pregnant.)

My Favorite Quotes Part 2

2008-12-22T03:33:00.000-08:00

"Why can't they make all the roads melty in winter?"

"You know, if they just put heaters in the roads, we wouldn't have to worry about snow."

(During a board game Sara had to sing in a foreign or made-up languge):
"Wait, how do you invent the Spanish language?"
(then she gives her best attempt at German)

Sara(to me): "I don't trust you to drive in the snow. Do You even know how? When Was last time you drove in winter?"
Me: "Well, yesterday for starters..."

(I recently found my old lava lamp)
Sara: "I couldn't sleep last night because of the lava lamp."
Me: "I'm sorry, it did brighten the room a lot."
Sara: "Yeh, and it was too trippy to not watch."

Sara: "I'm hungry"
Me: "Well, let's see, I could make us fajitas, chicken quesadillas, bar-b-q ribs, chicken stir-fry, tuna fish sandwiches, bar-b-q chicken strips, soup, scrambled eggs, pancakes, spaghetti, tater tot casserole... I'd have to get up and look but I'm sure there's more."
Sara: "Nah, I don't feel like cooking let's go out."
Me: "I said I would cook."
Sara: "Nah, I don't feel like you cooking, let's go out."
Me: "Or, I could make fajitas, chicken quesadillas..."

Eclection

2008-12-05T04:28:00.000-08:00

Sara: "McDonald's is ok, they have quite the eclection of food"

Josh: "Eclection?"

Sara: "Yeah, they have burgers and chicken or salad."

Josh: "Do you mean they have an eclectic collection?"

Sara: "What, is eclection not a word?"

Josh: "No, but it should be, although I'm not sure that three things on the menu is very eclectic though"

Sara: "Well they have McFlurries too, see its all very eclectic."

Touche.

New Sarism?

2008-12-04T05:33:00.001-08:00

Sara: "Oh my gosh! I'm bleeding like a banshee!"

Me: "Actually, I think it's screaming like a banshee..."

Sara: "What? That doesn't make any sense"

Me: "A banshee is a monster that has a scary scream"

Sara: "Oh... what do ya know."

Me: "Maybe you were looking for 'I'm bleeding like a stuck pig'?"

Sara: "WHAT? GROSS, ARE YOU CALLING ME A PIG?"

Me: *Sigh*

For the record I wasn't.

Sucker for infomercials

2008-12-03T06:57:00.000-08:00

Sara is a sucker for infomercials. It doesn't really matter what's being advertised, she'll be convinced that she cannot live without it before the half-hour commercial has passed. More than once I've had to pry the phone out of her hands to avoid the "Three easy payments of $19.95". It doesn't matter if it's the George Foreman grill, Some kind of food dehydrator that can suck the juice out of a whole turkey, or a spin-off of the magic bullet blender (spin-off... blender... get it?) Sara is convinced she's living in the dark ages of consumerism unless she's able to procure these ingenious little trinkets.

It wouldn't be so bad, but she remembers all of them. Her desire for modern comfort-technology wells up from time to time and she reminds me that we are living squalidly without a sandwich maker that also cooks omelets.

Here are some of her favorites:

The In Styler

The Oreck Air Purifier

The ShamWOW!

The Snuggie

The H2O Mop

How have I lived so long without them?

Ho ho ho me lucky charms!

2008-12-02T03:26:00.000-08:00

Sara saw a picture of a black santa:

Sara: "What!? Santa's not black!"

Scott: ""Why not?"

Sara: "Isn't he Irish?"

Scott: "Uhmmnn..."

Sara: "Saint Nick right? Arn't all Saint's Irish? Isn't Santa the guy who saved the Irish?"

A new Christmas legend is born.

Arrrr!!

2008-11-26T15:26:00.000-08:00

Being a radio dj is a tough job. No matter what kind of day you are having off air, when the mic turns on you always have to be pumped, energetic and happy. During a discussion the other day someone suggested that Sara plays a part on the air and "Fakes" her emotions. To which Sara retorted:

"I'm not fake! I'm not good enough to be someone else. I can only be myself. Besides if I was fake I wouldn't be me, I'd be like a pirate!"

Yo ho ho matey!

And really, why wouldn't it work?

2008-11-24T12:54:00.001-08:00

Me: "Ha Ha, this guy wanted to turn his desktop background into a mirror so he scanned one and thought that would work. What a dummy."

Sara: "So... did it work?"

Me: "Uhh... no"

Beware the pig herds of Grand Rapids!!

2008-11-14T10:43:00.000-08:00

Yesterday while driving into work Sara hit a raccoon. While retelling the story she shared this nugget of wisdom:

"When I was learning to drive, my instructor told us to break for pigs in the road."

I couldn't help but ask why and she replied,

"He said that they would get wedged under your car and throw you into the ditch!"

I had no idea that a pig could cause such distress, let alone that they are a problem for the Grand Rapids area motorists.

Remember: Please Mind the Swine.

Michigan Theme Music

2008-11-14T10:18:00.000-08:00

As I've mentioned before, Sara is the morning show co-host for Fuse FM. One morning they read in the news that some state had updated their state's anthem to be more modern. Not to be left out Sara and her co-host Scott decided that they would take on the daunting task of updating Michigan's anthem as well. I can't decide which one I think fits best, although nothing paraphrases the state's motto "If you seek a pleasant peninsula, look about you" quite like the R&B theme.

Check them out for yourself:

Michigan R&B

Michigan Rap

Michigan Rock

Sar-isms

2008-11-11T10:14:00.000-08:00

Main Entry:: sar·ism

Pronunciation:: \ˈsär-ˌi-zəm\

Function:: noun

Etymology:: Comes from English name Sara and suffix -ism mashed together to make a new word.

Date:: 2008

1: Any original, improvisational and often seemingly random catchphrase, slogan or idom.
2: Usually used by Sara used as an outburst or to convey the obvious.

Examples: "His Veins have got to be clogged to the mill!" or "I'd stick my thumb in that pool"

My Favorite Quotes Part 1

2008-11-11T10:04:00.000-08:00

Here are some of my favorite Sara quotes:

Sara ON-AIR (See "Clan Of Goodness" for more) :
"Dancing with the Stars' is Focked... Shocked... ... they kicked somebody off..."
(Meant to say "Dancing with the Stars' Shocking Finale")

"If you use one eye less than the other does it die?"

Sara (watching show about the seventies): "What's that thing?
Me: "That's an 8 track player"
Sara: "Really? I didn't think those things existed"
Sara: "Did that guy just say that Jeeps are military vehicles?"
Me: "Yup that's how they originated"
Sara: "Whoa I'm learning so much"
Sara: "Wait, I didn't think they had color in the 70s!"
Me: "I can't watch this show with you."

(About the new show Time Warp that features things in slow motion):
"Awesome, I've never seen what things do when they aren't in fast mode!"

(Again about Time Warp):
Matt: "What if you played the whole show backwards?... like you take a bunch of goo throw it in a blender and watch it turn into stuff!"
Sara: "And then come back in the blender and sit."

"So really anything can be made into a trivial pursuit. Take Jeopardy , badda bing, badda boom, a trivial pursuit!"

"If something was on TV and then they made a movie then it's a sequel"

Sara: "Josh you need to do something about all the beetles in the basement!"
Me: "Ok, later this weekend I'll throw a bug bomb down there and take care of them."
Sara: "That wont work! Beetles can survive a nuclear blast!"
Me: "First, bug bombs don't actually explode. Second, bug bombs are not radio active. Third, you're thinking of cockroaches not beetles."

"That would make the best Back To The Future movie ever!... Ride."

"Did you see that gas is only 2.01? if it goes down another two cents it'll be like 1 something!"

More To Come...
-Josh-

Skittle Sandwich

2008-11-11T09:55:00.000-08:00

Hey if you would like to actually hear Sara in action, check out her podcast. She does it with Dice from Fuse FM and a local musician named Matt Moore. Seriously, if you manage to make it through an entire podcast without laughing at something Sara says I will personally high five you. The podcast is online at skittlesandwich.com or available free on iTunes (Just search for skittle sandwich).

Each one is different, so make sure you check out all the episodes. So far my favorite one is called "Regular Morning Goo". Sara gets pretty excited about the new transformers ride that they're creating at Universal Studios. Hilarious.

I am pretty much the luckiest guy in the world to get to live with her.

The Clan Of Goodness

2008-11-11T09:45:00.000-08:00

For this story a little background is needed. My wife works at a radio station (Fuse FM) in the Tri-Cities area of Michigan. Her on-air moniker is "Sara the Intern" (although she isn't an intern, she's worked there for 3 years) and she co-hosts the morning show "The Get Up And Go Show With Scotty Moore and Sara The Intern".

One time Sara was trying to describe the reasons that listeners should help support Fuse FM during their annual "FunDrive" fundraiser for the station. In particular, she was descibing the "Fuse 200" or 200 particular listeners who provide monthly support for the station. It went something like this:

"The Fuse 200, or as I like to call them 'The Clan of Goodness', provides the base support we need at the station. They give to us so we can play the music they want to hear, I like to call this 'The Cycle of Goodness.' And when we don't get the support we need, that cycle's wheel goes flat..." (I don't remember the rest, I was laughing too hard)

Awesome.